10-Day Latchkey ECourse Email 1 Subject: Being a latchkey kid - common effects on younger children Dear [Name], There are both good and bad things about being a latchkey kid. Before you decide to let your child be one, it’s important to learn about the pros and cons of the decision. It’s not to scare you away, because like many families today, the choice of whether to have a latchkey kid or not may not really be a choice, but rather a necessity. Either way, choice or not, both good and bad things can come from it. First, let’s go over the potential downfalls of being a latchkey kid, focusing on the effects on the younger child. Loneliness and Fear Many latchkey kids are often lonely and fearful. They come home all alone and sometimes stay into the night alone, unable to call anyone, watch TV, or participate in any activities with other kids their age due to not having a ride or any adult support. The way to mitigate this issue is to make sure that you don’t make arbitrary rules about doing things with friends who do have adults around, or talking on the phone, or even being online. Make sure the rules you make have a reason for existing. Also, make sure that you check up on your child often during the time they’re going to be alone, talk to them about their fears, and check in with them about whether they feel lonely or not, and need more adult company or activities to keep them busy. Susceptibility to Peer Pressure When children are lonely they are often more open to their friends or even kids pressuring them or encouraging them to use drugs and alcohol or participate in sexual activity to alleviate boredom. This can be a big downside to being latchkey because these poor choices can affect a child for a lifetime. The best way to avoid this problem is to check up on your child so that you know they’re ready to make good decisions, whether you’re home or not. Plus, if you talk to your child a lot about issues, they will know that you’re available to them at any time to talk to about what’s bothering them. If you do have a child who likes to do things behind your back and only responds to more supervision and strict rules, being latchkey may not be appropriate for them. Neighbors May Report You One big issue about being latchkey today is that some kids feel that it’s necessary to hide their status from others. Parents are afraid that neighbors will report them to the authorities. Rules have become stricter regarding the ages and lengths of time you can leave a child home alone. Make sure you check the laws in your area so that you’re in compliance to avoid this problem. Now let’s talk about the good things that can come from being a latchkey kid of caring and loving parents. Gained Self-Esteem A great outcome for latchkey kids is that when successful, the children end up with added self-esteem which makes them more likely to resist peer pressure, drugs, alcohol and early sexual activity. They feel good about making adult choices in a responsible way, and this helps them build their self-image with each good choice made. The way to ensure this happens is to give them rules with reasons that aren’t arbitrary. When you explain to a smart child why they should or should not do something, it can help them make good choices. Good choices need to come from within and not from fear of punishment. If you’re open with your child, listen to them, and build your relationship with them based on honesty, it will help build their self-image even more. Free Time to Imagine One issue with many children is that they’re so booked up with activities that they cannot imagine anything because they are so busy. They don’t get a chance to use their imagination. Someone got the idea that keeping kids overly booked will cut down on drug use. But, it also cuts down on them getting to imagine things so that they have time to discover what they truly enjoy doing. Imagine if Mark Zuckerberg’s activities were controlled by his parents' desires instead of his interests? He may not have spent time in a dark room learning Atari BASIC programming. What if Christopher Nolan didn’t have time to play with his Super 8 as a child? It’s great to let kids be bored so that they can find something they truly love and enjoy doing with their life beyond childhood. Improved Decision-Making Ability Making good choices come with practice. The truth is, without the experience of making choices and knowing what it feels like to succeed, it can be hard for even grown-ups to make decisions. Each experience leads to better choices over time. When a person makes a good choice and they experience the good consequences, or a bad choice and experiences the bad consequences, this helps them get better and better at making good choices. Waiting until a child goes off to college to let them make some choices for themselves when they’re not under your roof for protection is not really the best plan. If you want a child to make good decisions, give them some berth now so that they can learn from their experiences. It’s clear that there are both good and bad things about being a latchkey kid. But most children who grew up latchkey with parents who were caring, loving, and open to them, cite good feelings about the experience. Indeed, most of the negatives about being latchkey really cannot for certain be correlated with only being latchkey; other factors are often at play, such as poverty, parents who are too busy, and a poor support system. Next time, we’re going to look at how being a latchkey can affect older children, both good and bad. Email 2 Subject: Being a latchkey kid - common effects on older children Dear [Name], Just like younger children are affected by a parent’s choice to raise a latchkey kid, so are older kids. The effects are pretty much the same in terms of putting them in danger of peer pressure issues, learning to make good decisions, and building self-esteem. But, parents sometimes tend to put too much adult pressure on older kids too, which can be an added factor in the problems of being latchkey as an older child. Too Much Adult Responsibility This can happen if you have both older and younger kids. If you put the responsibility for the younger kids on the older child, this can cause a lot of resentment and interfere in the sibling relationship. But, sometimes you have no choice. Having said that, you can mitigate this problem by being aware of it and encouraging your child not to be too hard on the younger ones, because they’re not the parent and they’re not really in charge. If a younger child makes a poor choice even with the older child around, don’t blame the older child; make the younger child responsible for his or her own actions. Give All Children Responsibility for Themselves When you have latchkey kids, make each child responsible for themselves. Don’t leave young children home with older kids who are technically too young or irresponsible to be latchkey kids. That way, the older child will feel as if they have some freedom to be a kid and not have to do the adult job of parenting younger kids. For example, when you make a chore list, let each child choose to do them or not and suffer your consequences or not. Don’t expect the older child to be after the younger child to get the chores done. Check In with Each Child - Not Just the Oldest When you call after school to check in with your kids, talk to each of your children, not just the older child. Treat the children as equals. That way none of the children feel resentment or pressure. Older children may automatically try to take on the responsibility of younger siblings and that’s not necessarily wrong, but you want that to be their own decision so that you can avoid problems with sibling rivalry and resentment. When you allow children to have their own lives and own feelings about things and decide together what type of responsibility an older child is ready for, without making assumptions, you’ll avoid a lot of problems with acting out. Let them feel as if they have some control over their lives and let them make good choices. Teenagers will surprise you with how great they can be at decision making, planning, and organizing if you give them the leeway to do it on their own. Next time, we're going to talk more about how to make a younger latchkey kid safe and happy. Email 3 Subject: 10 ways to keep a younger latchkey kid safe and happy Dear [Name], When you have latchkey kids, it’s important to know how to keep them safe and happy. You want to avoid problems with others, and also help your child learn good decision-making skills that will carry over to their adult life when they leave home. 1. Assign Chores – It’s good to have a routine. Don’t give them too many chores for their age group but do give them certain things they need to do when they come home. That way they’ll have a task that they know is important to do and will feel accomplished when they are done. Don’t give them anything to do that is too dangerous or requires supervision. For example, you may not want them to use certain appliances or tools like lawn mowers when you’re not home. 2. Give Guidelines – Let them know how to deal with people knocking on the door, calling on the telephone, or asking them questions they don’t want to answer. Give general guidelines and the reasons behind them so that they can learn to differentiate between good and bad choices. Plus, when you give guidelines they can look at the reasoning and relate it to other situations too. 3. Explain the Rules – You want to have some hard and fast rules but don’t make too many. Make rules with reasons associated with safety, and explain each rule to them. That way, they know why they should follow that rule. Most kids are smart enough to understand when an adult has good reasons for making a rule. In the case of latchkey kids, you cannot do the "do as I say" game because you’re not there to enforce it. Kids are more likely to follow a rule if they know why. 4. Provide Activities – While you don’t want to rule over every moment of their free time when they’re home, you do want to provide potential activities in case they don’t have their own ideas. A great thing for younger kids is to set up an activity box that can only be used during their alone time. That makes it more exciting if they can only play certain games when alone. For older kids, let them know what’s acceptable to choose but give them the freedom to do so. 5. Check in Periodically – No matter the age of your children, you want to check in with them on an individual basis. We've mentioned this before; don’t put any child in charge of another because that is going to build resentment and sibling rivalry. Call or text each child on their own to find out how they’re doing rather than having the oldest act as the caregiver. 6. Teach First Aid – You can sign up children for classes in first aid. This can help alleviate fears and teach them the best safety precautions. Even a babysitting course for older kids can help them learn about safety and good decision making. 7. Practice Safety Drills – There are some things that can happen beyond anyone’s control and it doesn’t matter who is home. This includes fire, inclement weather, floods, and power outages. Practice what to do in these scenarios by doing drills for each one. 8. Give a Password – If you’re unable to talk to your child by voice on a landline, you may want to give your child a special password. That can help you identify if they’re okay or not or if they need emergency help. Give them a word that they tell no one and isn’t used in common conversation. 9. Build Relationships with Neighbors – While you don’t want people you do not know to know that your child is home alone, you do want to build relationships with your neighbors. Knowing who they are, that they’re safe (and not on the sexual predator watch list) can give you comfort if your child needs emergency help. 10. Don’t Tell Everyone – Instruct your child not to tell their friends, teachers, or others that they are home alone. You should not tell people either. The fewer people who realize it, the better, because sadly, you never know who has ill intentions in mind when it comes to children. Look at the litany of coaches, step-parents, and so-called friendly people who have harmed children. If you stick to these ways to keep your child safe and happy as a latchkey kid, you’re going to raise a responsible, healthy child who has great self-esteem because they know how to behave even when they’re home alone without adult supervision. Next time, we're going to talk more about how to make an older latchkey child feel happy and safe. Email 4 Subject: 10 ways to keep an older latchkey kid safe and happy Dear [Name], When you have older kids who are latchkey, it’s hard to remember that they need a lot of the same things that younger kids need. But, you can let up the reins a bit once your child is in middle school and even more when they are of driving age. 1. Let Them Do After-School Activities – Older kids can be responsible enough to get to their own school activities using public transportation, Uber, or their own car (if they’re of driving age). These activities are often great for helping them get better scholarships for college as well as teaching teamwork. 2. Allow Them to Go to the Library – Most communities have great libraries which are wonderful places for older latchkey kids to be. Let them use public transportation or other methods to get there if it’s near their school and your home. There is a lot a kid can do at the library aside from reading books. Most today have computers that kids can use for doing homework. 3. It’s Okay If They See Their Friends – In some cases, if you have a mature child with mature friends, you don’t have to keep the "no friends over" rule. Do check with parents so that they’re aware that your child is home alone before allowing them, though, to avoid liability issues. But, a mature child can handle doing homework and watching movies or playing games with a friend over. 4. Check in Periodically – No matter your child’s age, check in with them periodically. Right after school, then every hour or so after that will help. You can utilize the camera on your smartphones to know for sure where your child is and what they’re doing too. 5. Assign Chores – If your child is going to be home and not do activities, give them a few chores to do after school. But no matter what, all children should have some chores to do that involve more than just cleaning their own room. Taking care of a household is the entire household’s job, not just mom’s and dad’s. 6. Teach First Aid – Throughout your child’s life, keep up the lessons for first aid. As they get older, more classes may open, including CPR classes. The more your child knows about first aid, the safer they’ll be. 7. Lock Up Firearms – This should go for kids of any age, but older kids and teens are often more aware of the potential that you have firearms, so it may be even more important to lock them up rather than just put them away. You don’t want your child to have any access to them at all when you’re not home. 8. Write Down Emergency Numbers – Even older kids can forget numbers or lose access to their phones. Therefore, write down all emergency numbers and post them near the house phone for easy access. 9. Set Rules and Expectations – While you don’t want to make arbitrary rules, you do want to have some rules based on your child’s safety and their maturity level. When you set high expectations for your children, they will often live up to them. 10. Don’t Put Them in Charge – Again, it is tempting to have older kids babysit younger kids who are also school aged and old enough to be latchkey kids. But this is a big mistake because it often builds resentment between siblings who should be on equal footing, causing sibling rivalry which can lead to other problems. Instead, leave each child who is old enough to be a latchkey kid to their own devices. For driving-age kids, consider letting them get an after-school job. That is a great way to keep them occupied while also teaching them how to be self-sufficient. Some studies show that kids who work 19 hours a week do better in school, including high school and college. Likely, some of the reason has to do with the fact that they realize how much better they can do with a degree, but also because jobs teach organization, planning, and responsibility. In the next email, we're going to give some great suggestions for after-school snacks. Email 5 Subject: After-school snack ideas for latchkey kids Dear [Name], All kids, no matter their age, are super-hungry when they get home from school. The school day is a long day. Usually, kids are up and out of the house by 7 am and home around 4 pm. They probably have a 15-minute lunch sometime between 11:30 am and 1:00 pm that is likely very unsatisfactory. A nice snack before dinner will not hurt their appetite but will instead make them able to do chores and homework. Having said that, do try to make them healthy. * Trail Mix – You can buy trail mix from Trader Joe's or even Walmart. Set it up in single serving size containers that your child can just grab so that it’s easy. * Boiled Eggs – Some kids need an extra protein boost to avoid blood sugar dips and spikes. The best answer for this is something like a boiled egg. Boiled eggs can be made a couple of days ahead and ready in the fridge for snacks. * Fruit – An apple with peanut butter on it is a great afternoon snack that will curb hunger and feed nutritional needs. It is also delicious. But, cutting the apple could be dangerous for a younger child. You can buy snack packs of pre-cut apples or you can cut them up yourself, toss with lemon juice, and they’ll stay fresh for a couple of days in the fridge. * Veggies – You can make a veggie tray and keep it in the fridge for several days. This will be an easy thing to take out of the fridge and eat. No cutting involved. Good, healthy choices are celery, broccoli, carrots, and a nice yogurt-based dip. * Hummus – A great snack is hummus. It’s just made from chickpeas. Your child can eat it as a dip with veggies or with crackers. Some kids even like hummus sandwiches. * Meat Wraps – Using nitrate-free lunch meat and string cheese, you can make meat wraps for snacks. They’re easy for your child to make and don’t require any cutting. They’re even better with a pickle. All these ideas will make nutritious and filling after-school snacks for your latchkey child that avoid them using too many appliances or knives. If you have them ready in the fridge, your child can self-serve very easily. Be sure to offer plenty of clean, filtered water for drinking. Sugary snacks and drinks are best left for special occasions like birthday parties. Next time, we’ll give ideas for things to do during the summer holidays when you have a latchkey child. Email 6 Subject: Tips for coping with the summer holidays when you have a latchkey child Dear [Name], The first thing you need to do when dealing with summertime and your latchkey kid is to check the laws. In some areas, a child staying home more than three hours is illegal, but it is based on age. You’re likely okay with older children but with younger children, you may have to find alternatives. * Day Camp – Locally you may have some day camps that can give your child something to do during the day. You may need to find transportation for your child to do this, though, although some offer transportation too. * Church Camp – Many churches offer camps too. Sometimes it’s bible school, but sometimes it’s another kind of camp. Check with your church to find these camps. * Camp – There are camps that run during any break that are only camps. Sometimes these are sleep-away camps. Sleepaway camps are great because they cut down on the need to worry about transportation. Sometimes you can get scholarships for them too based on your income if you’re low income. Always call to find out in advance. * Public Libraries – Many public libraries offer things for kids to do during the day. Often, they are even free. If your child can get transportation to the library on any given day, that can give them a couple hours of activities each day. * Space Camp – Huntsville Alabama, the Rocket City, has a space camp open in the summertime. It’s a sleep-away camp and they have camps of different lengths. They will also give scholarships to low-income families if you ask and qualify. Do check in advance. * Movie Theaters – Believe it or not, movie theatres offer free movie days during the summer on weekdays. If your child can get transportation to the movie theatre during the free movie time, that’s a great (and cool) way to spend a couple of hours. * Boys and Girls Clubs – Many neighborhoods have Boys and Girls Clubs that are very low cost. In some cases, it’s just a few dollars a year to be a member. They don’t keep the child from coming and going, but they do offer a place for children to go and activities to do during the summer. They go bowling, skating, swimming and have on-site activities too. * Summer Reading – Most schools have summer reading programs where your child can earn points for reading based on passing tests on the material. Help your child (especially older children who can stay home all day) keep busy and educated by getting the books for them so that they can read them. * Online Courses – There are many online courses that your child can take to give them college credits or help them learn something new. You can check out local community colleges online as well as other types of courses like Lynda.com, Khanacademy.org, and others that can give your child lots of extra help. * Online Summer Camps – PBS, Make Magazine, Made with Code, JAM, and others offer online summer camps that are interactive and keep children busy for hours of fun and learning. Your child can get involved in everything from learning to code, to doing hands-on (yet safe) science, math, and reading-based adventures. Links: PBS - http://www.pbs.org/parents/summer/ Make Magazine - https://makezine.com/ Made with Code - https://www.madewithcode.com/projects/ Jam - https://jam.com/ * Grandparents – If you have grandparents nearby, utilize them for some help if they’re available. You may not want you child to go there daily because even if grandparents say they want to, being with the grandkids all the time takes away some of the joy of grandparenting. However, they’ll likely be happy to spend a couple of hours a day with them a few hours a week. Or if they don’t work, drive them to activities. Whatever you decide to do with your child or children this summer, keep in mind their age, their interests, and your budget. Sometimes you have no choice but to let them stay home all day but there is no reason for them to be bored and get into trouble. Next time, let’s discuss in more detail the issues with having more than one latchkey child. Email 7 Subject: Tips on how to cope when you have more than one latchkey child Dear [Name], If you have more than one latchkey kid, it’s important to use some common sense about this. Do they get along with each other? What are their age differences? Are they likely to roughhouse more than normal if you’re not supervising them? It’s super-important to understand their relationship with each other when you’re not looking. Aside from that, it’s important to follow these guidelines - some of which we have touched on in previous emails: * Don’t Put One Child in Charge of Another – It’s tempting to put a child in charge of another but it’s not a good idea. You want your children to maintain a healthy sibling relationship but when you put one child in charge, you change that relationship - maybe forever. Instead, don’t leave any child home alone unless they could stay without the older sibling. * Make Rules for Each Child Based on Their Age – Every child who is a latchkey kid should have rules based on their age. It’s not fair to give a 16-year-old the same rules your 9-year-old has. A 16-year-old can probably drive and get a job and do errands and even spend time with friends after school, while a 9-year-old needs to go home and stay home. * Assign Chores for Each Child – Give each child something to do that makes them feel proud and responsible on their own. Don’t have the older child tell the younger one what to do. Create a chore chart for each one and let them earn points, money, prizes, and praise. * Check In on Each Child Individually – Each day when they get home, talk to each child individually on their own devices. That way they are responsible fully for being present and ready to talk to you in the way that you want them to be. * Teach All Children First Aid – Be sure to give classes in first aid to each child who will stay home alone, according to their age group. Of course, the older child is going to help the younger if an emergency happens and they’re home, just like any other day, but don’t put that responsibly on them only. * Teach Everyone Emergency Drills – First, floods and bad weather happens. It doesn’t matter when or who is home, so everyone needs to be taught the same drills regardless of age. Don’t put the responsibility on the older child to get younger kids out; that’s not fair to them. Naturally, most kids are going to want to help their siblings but it’s the mental responsibility that can cause problems. The most important thing to remember is that they’re still kids. It used to be popular for fathers to tell their young sons, "You’re the man of the house now" when they had to travel for work, but this has been shown to be very damaging to the child mentally - whether something bad happens or not but especially if something goes wrong. Don’t put that on your child. Let each child feel responsible for themselves with their own chores and rules and guidelines for the best results with your multiple latchkey kids. Next time, we're going to give tips on how to cope when your latchkey child has after-school activities. Email 8 Subject: Tips for dealing with after-school activities Dear [Name], There are many issues with after-school activities for all kids with parents who work, and it’s even harder for parents who have to leave their kids home alone after school because there is no one around to supervise or provide transportation. If your child has after-school activities and you’re not able to pick them up, you’ll have to find some form of transportation for them that you can trust - unless they can walk or take city transportation. * City Transportation – If a child is old enough to stay home alone, they’re old enough to navigate city transportation if you have it where you live. Check the laws in your area to find out at what ages they can use it. * Taxis – In some areas, taxis will pick up and transport children to and from their activities. Some companies have even worked out special rates for frequent travelers. Do make sure that your area does background checks on their drivers before entrusting your child to their care during transportation. * Car Pools – Check with your child’s teacher and ask them if anyone else goes to the activities that you want your child to go to. They may be able to give your information to other parents who are willing to carpool your child for a little gas money. The other issue you may need to deal with is whether you even want your child in lots of after-school activities. Some activities are very destructive to family time and even time to just imagine and think. The best bet is to do less rather than more. * What Does Your Child Really Like Doing? – You may be surprised to find out your kid hates baseball and only does it because dad is making him, or he’s just always done it. Why do things you hate? Let them quit if they want to. * Make Them Pick Just One – if your child insists they have to do everything, sit them down and talk to them about the situation and make them pick just one thing per season to do. That way, it’s much easier to figure out transportation and other logistics. Once it’s done, they’ll be much happier. Don’t make them quit everything if they’re already doing it, but do have them stop at the end of the season. * Find New Activities – There are so many things a child can do online now, from online camps to games, and more. If you really cannot swing the activities, sit your child down and explain to them the truth of the situation. Most kids want to help even though they will be sad that they must stop. When you are open and honest with your kids and do your due diligence checking out alternatives, you may be surprised at how simple all this is to deal with. A friend’s mom might drive your child, your child might not even like that activity anymore, or you may find awesome alternatives. It’s not the end of the world and might even turn out better. Some people will disapprove of your child being a latchkey kid - there's no way round it. Next time, we'll talk about how to deal with this. Email 9 Subject: Tips for dealing with disapproval from others Dear [Name], One thing you’re going to notice when you decide to let your child be latchkey and come home from school alone, is disapproval from others. It may be your own parents, your spouse’s parents, friends, teachers and others who all the sudden feel as if they have the right to insert their ideas into your life without you asking. Don't Tell People The fact is, the fewer people who realize the situation, the better. Not only are there people who will prey on children left alone, who may even be related to you (most child molesters know the child), there are also people who will make your life miserable thinking they know the law and will call child protective services on you. This is not a good thing and can be very disruptive. Only Tell the People You Need to Tell This is a situation of a need-to-know basis. You may need to tell certain people so that your child has someone to call on in an emergency, but be sure that it’s someone who will trust your judgment and will understand and not judge you. But, for the most part, you’ll want to tell only people who really need to know. Cite the Law When you get criticism, share the laws with them so that they know that you’re within the law and that your children are fine. Setting their mind at ease, pointing out that a neighbor is available, a grandparent is around, and you’re a cell phone call away, can make people understand it more. Tell Them You Didn’t Ask Them If they keep judging and telling you, tell them you didn’t ask for their opinion. Say that you’re doing what’s right for your child and your family and they’re free to do what they feel is best for theirs. Don’t make excuses or try to look better; just be honest and tell them you don’t want to hear it again. If they keep talking, stop associating with them if possible. Set boundaries and stick to them. Teach Your Kids Not to Tell Everyone Everything While you don’t want your child to feel as if they have to keep secrets as that is damaging to children, talk to them about privacy and how it’s not appropriate to tell everyone everything about themselves. It’s no one’s business what they do at home or with whom, or how much things cost and that type of thing. Privacy is something that is hard to come by today with social media and constant selfie-taking, but it can be done if taught early. Be Confident of Your Decision One thing that can really keep people from being so critical is your own self-confidence about your choices. Don’t make excuses, don’t ask for their opinion, and don’t act like you’re ashamed of it when they do say something or find out. Just look them in the eye and explain to them what is and is not their right to talk about. There are always going to be people who give their unsolicited opinion but if you’re confident in your choices, it’s going to be okay. Just make sure you’re in compliance with the law and that you’ve covered all security and safety bases and trained your child to deal with things too. As they say, the proof is in the pudding. When your child grows up being able to take care of themselves, it’ll be obvious that you raised a self-sufficient mature adult and that’s what’s important. Some latchkey children are particularly worried about being home alone. We'll talk about that in the next email. Email 10 Subject: Tips for helping an anxious latchkey child Dear [Name], If you have a child that is particularly anxious about being home alone, it may take more time for them to become accustomed to it and in fact, you may not be able to do it at all. You don’t want to leave a child home who has severe anxiety issues or problems. It could prove to be very dangerous. But, there are ways to help your anxious child become more accustomed to being latchkey. Teach Them Safety Rules When you explain to them how to stay safe, what will make them safer, and why, it’s going to help alleviate a lot of problems and even some of their anxiety. Point out how even when you are home, things can happen (such as a fire, bad weather, and even intruders), and that you would do the same thing you’re teaching them to do about each of these things. Having said that, make it clear that these things are not common to start with. Ask them how many people they know who have been broken into, had their house burn down, or something else. Probably no one. Reward Them for Appropriate Behavior When your child makes good choices, reward them for it. Instead of punishing them when they do something wrong, praise them for being smart, making good choices, and working out things on their own while you’re home. That way they learn that they are capable, responsible, and can make good choices to start with. Start Early Teaching Self-Control One issue with authoritarian parenting is that sometimes when children who are under that type of parenting get by themselves, they misbehave thinking they won’t get caught. They aren’t taught why, other than because mom or dad said so. For latchkey kids, this isn’t going to work. Sure, kids should listen, but you have to understand their psychology at their age. Children’s frontal lobes that control decision making aren’t closed. But, if you teach them the why behind your rules, they’re going to respond a lot better. Having said that, this does take practice. Let Them Play a Game Only When Alone Pick out a couple games or activities that are safe that they can only do when they’re home alone. This is going to give them the incentive to want to be alone in the first place They’ll become so engrossed in their game that by the time you get home they’re going to be played out and their fear will be gone. Of course, make sure they know to do their chores and homework first. Listen to Their Fears Don’t pooh-pooh their fears. Listen to them. Discuss them. Talk about it. Let them know you understand, but use facts and figures to explain why maybe they don’t need to have that fear anymore. When you’re open to their feelings and talk about it with them, without judgment or being harsh, they will realize that it’s going to be okay. Check In with Them With an anxious child, you may need to check in more often - either by calling, or text messages, or even setting up a video so that you can see each other. They can see you doing your work, and you can see them doing theirs. It’ll be almost like being in the room together. This may or may not be possible but usually, if you don’t have the volume on, no one is going to notice. Just turn up the volume occasionally to check in or wave at each other. The important factor in having an anxious latchkey kid is to listen to your child, talk to them, and address their fears. Find solutions that work using technology to make it a little easier, and it will work out fine. Note: If you do live in an area that is particularly unsafe, please consider looking for a Boys and Girls Club or other alternatives, because that means their fears are not imaginary. If you cannot move, understand that people are safer in numbers rather than alone. Unless you can figure out how to have your child home alone without anyone ever knowing, it might not be safe enough in certain neighborhoods.